One of the greatest enemy’s in life is our own bodies. It doesn’t care if you have plans, goals, a family, or responsibilities. It will attack you on its own accord, no matter how much you plead for it not to. And that’s exactly what I have been dealing with since June, my own body attacking me. There are a range of illnesses our bodies can attack us with: heart attack, stroke, cancer, an array of sicknesses, etc. What my body decided to attack me with is anxiety.
It all started with the worst panic attack I’ve ever had in my life. At first, I thought it was a fluke thing. But then another one hit, and another one, and then another one. Finally, after fearing my own body and the possibility of another attack, I went to the doctor. After several questions and tests, I was diagnosed with anxiety disorder, something I didn’t know ran in my family until I talked with my dad and he told me our family history.
After being on some medication and doing all the doctor said, I believed I was going to get better. Man was I ever wrong. My symptoms only got worse. Can you guess what happened as that happened? If you guessed severe depression, you would be correct. I got to the point where I was afraid to do anything, suffered from daily migraines, and had at times, considered suicide. I didn’t want to live this life, a life where I felt afraid of myself and everything around me.
And of course, it also affected my writing, so much that I barely wrote a 100 words a week. I continued to try and push through it, making appearances at book events and online. But little did anyone know of the panic attacks I suffered after the events. The thought of quitting and disappearing also crossed my mind. I didn’t, and still have moments, where I feel like I’m never going to forge ahead and finish my current novel and get to those others waiting on me.
If you’ve ever suffered from anxiety, then I’m sure you know functioning on a daily basis can be challenging. But after lying in bed one day, soaking my pillow in tears, I decided I had had enough. It’s been 6 months since all this has started and no progress was being made, no amount of medication or group therapy was helping. That’s when I found the anxiety and depression workbook. Daily I am working on the steps provided to get my life back and deal with anxiety and depression before it hits. So far, it’s been a slow process. But hey, I wrote this which is over a 100 words, I’d call that progress.
The downside of my body deciding I needed a total freak out, my next novel DARKEST REACHES release date keeps getting pushed back and personal plans have suffered. The upside, after learning and experiencing everything I have, my attention is raised to help others who don’t understand, who feel like failures, or feel like there are no options, and to bring anxiety disorders to attention. There are several factors that can lead to an anxiety disorder, which then leads to depression, which then leads to you shutting down.
Currently, I am working on a new blog site completely dedicated to anxiety and depression while also trying to finish DARKEST REACHES. For now, know that it takes baby steps to get back to normal and to work with your body. Anxiety and depression is a real disorder that has taken too many lives and I don’t want to join the statistics. I have to keep myself healthy, not only for me, but for my kids as well. As much as I wish, it’s not something you can “snap out of”.
I want to thank you all for your understanding and to let you know that I’m trucking along, even if I’m going 40 miles under the speed limit. Be patient, I’ll eventually reach my goals destination and get these novels out there.
Hope you all have a great day! Keep those spirits high!